Dear Saints in Santa Fe, and other far-off places:

Greetings in the name and spirit of Jesus Christ!

Doubt upon the mountain.

I would have thought after spending 28 chapters with Jesus, following him, sharing meals, witnessing his healings, hearing his sermons, and breathing in the good news every day the eleven disciples would be on board. Not so. Matthew 28:16-20, the final words of the gospel, says they worshiped him, “but some doubted.” Why doubt then of all times?

Perhaps they doubted Jesus came back after he was crucified. Did they actually see him, as many maintained, or was it the spirit of the Risen Christ? Or were they just alone on the mountain facing an uncertain future?

Maybe the doubters were questioning Jesus’ message. It’s way out of sync with the prevailing culture. It is difficult and dangerous to practice because it challenges the status quo. It takes notice when those in power abuse their privilege. It stands up to every oppression, every discrimination, every diminishing of a human spirit, every act of cruelty, casual and planned. The more I live with the Jesus stories the more I am astounded by their brilliance, shining sacred light on the abuses of his day and ours.

They may have had doubts that “all authority in heaven and earth has been given to Jesus.” In the end, it appeared he had no authority and no power at all. All this talk about the Reign of God and sharing love and compassion ended on a cross. But hold on, the word in Greek for authority, excusia, does not demand our submission. It is an authority that empowers, liberates, heals, and forgives. Imagine if we saw authority being used in that way today?

Perhaps the “some who doubted” felt they could not face their fears, find their voice, or stand in solidarity with all the rest who were struggling. Jesus had asked too much of them. Is he asking too little of us today? How good it is to be on Jesus’ side and doubt our doubts that anything can be done to counter all that harms.

My doubts? It centers on whether there will be people who will stand up for what Jesus stood for and embody love and compassion. I am grateful that a new pope was selected and by all indications he will hold close to Jesus’ teachings but this work will take all of us, as it always has. We can’t, at least I can’t, wait around and let others do the work, pope or otherwise. Am I up for the task?

So, as I sit on this mountain of doubt wondering if I have what it takes to continue the Jesus story, Jesus comes and reminds us that he will be with us. Through it all. All the time. Till the end of time. I’m about to add this to my growing list of doubts but came to the realization that too many doubts can become a barrier to the life Jesus offered in those 28 gospel chapters.

So, I have decided to leave some doubts behind and head down the mountain and start living chapter 29.

Grace and peace,

Harry